Much like the Midwest, the traditional pizza you find in downtown Chicago is wide, flat, and boring.

This pizza is from Pizano’s. There’s a few in the Chicago area. Their claim to fame is that they were “featured on Oprah.” In what capacity I do not know.

Was their shop in the background during a remote segment? Did Jim Carey, willing to do anything for a laugh to reignite his career, bring a Pisano’s pizza onto the set? We may never know.

But I do know that this pizza would have a hard time sticking out on the east coast. There was a cardboard characteristic to the crust, and the cheese simply sat there. It was charmless and was the closest thing to a corpse I have ever eaten.

I ended up leaving three quarters of the pizza in my hotel refrigerator. I’m sure whoever cleaned the room was insulted that this pizza was left as a tip.

Perhaps their deep dish pizza is where they put all their effort. Why bother to impress an obvious tourist with a flat pizza who will only compare it to the superior easy coast slice? It’s a lose-lose.

Pisano’s may have a stellar deepdish and I simply chose poorly. Perhaps someone out there can testify that Pisano’s is worth visiting? Oprah, I’m looking at you.